I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
