so explain again why im purple
no
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
