You just made me feel so damn special
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
