I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
