Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
