And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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