its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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