Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
