theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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