I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
