I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
then he tried to convert me to islam
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
