Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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