She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They took my balls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
