yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
