oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
