i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
