I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
