they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
