is your mom at the bar?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
