:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
