I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
