living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
