u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
