Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
