Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am available for nakedness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
