i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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