He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
