I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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