dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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