all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
