Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Shitshow foam night was such a success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
