ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do vagina's smell?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
