Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
