TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
