I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
