All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
