Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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