That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
