Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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