I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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