I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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