i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
