I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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