drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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