I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
