Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
