Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
