i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
