You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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