this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
