saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
