it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
