College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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