i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
