My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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