shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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