Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
