I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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