Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
