She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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