Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My life is pants optional.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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